'Tis the Season

For bright lights and peppy music to be on 24/7 so that I don't feel like a depressed hobbit with this whole "let's get pitch black by 5:00pm".  It shall continue through February I'm sure.

I wrote a pretty sweet blog post last week, and then, blogger didn't save it.  Needless to say, I am slightly displeased.

Also,

This weather has been divine to my hair.  So much so, that I'm being vain and posting about it.  Yep, awesome weather makes for awesome hair days

New Things from the Past 2 Weeks

With the advent of new feet, I now realize why women love shoes so much.  So much in fact, that I just dropped $110 on a pair of flats.

After being entirely too stressed out from being at rehearsals 24/7, I realized how much I actually enjoyed doing props, the only stressful thing was getting homework done that seemed (and probably is) pointless.  But, running around town to find obscure things (other than that Chinese newspaper), spending someone else's money, and then spray painting copious amounts, was quite relaxing and enjoyable.

In fact, the only work I've enjoyed doing has been my senior sem.  The only stressful thing about it is that I want to create enough decent pages to turn in each week, but the actual writing is quite enjoyable.  In fact, the further I get into it, the easier it is, and the giddier I get when I get to read rhetorical theory.  Reading about heteroglossia and the imagined audience is rather pleasant, and before I know it, I'm at my five pages for the week.  I feel like I should be doing more research, that this project is coming along too easily, but I'm actually having fun creating it, it doesn't seem like a chore in the least.

Unlike grad school.  The biggest chore since cleaning the dreadful house I lived in last year.  I don't want to do it, but know I should.  Don't know what I should apply for, I mean, I love writing (otherwise I wouldn't have this blog) and I love publishing, but the more I write my sem, the more in love I fall with academia and rhetoric.  PR and marketing might blend the two, but I hate finance, a subject that is sure to be broached.  So, what to do?  Sit back and wait for lightening to strike?  Or, apply to every appealing program on the planet and see which one chooses to accept me?  There are problems with both, too many problems that then just become overwhelming and I give-up and choose to read for Popular Romance Fiction instead.

When did it become winter?

I like cold weather as much as the next person, in fact, I prefer it to hot, but this sudden change has got me puzzled.

Dear Mother Nature,
I would like some fall weather, please.
Yours Truly,
Brooke

In other news, I've been beyond busy doing homework, writing a senior sem., spray painting any and every cigarette box I can find, trying to figure out grad-school, attempting at having a social life (it's not working), and sleeping, because that aspect of my life is very important to me.

So, yeah, I'm stressed.  But, honestly, having to get all this stuff done, doesn't really bother me in the end. It's annoying to do, but I know that (at some point) I can get it done.

What's bothering me more are the personal internal struggles I feel like I've been having.  Yeah, yeah, I know, that sounds all angsty and diva-filled.  But, I'm not about to divulge them fully here.  And, yes, I know that's mean, I shouldn't let the cat's tail out of the bag, but deal with it.  My point is, is that more than anything, more than getting work done, or having friend drama, the things you're wrestling with within yourself feel so much heavier, I think because you can't rely on anyone to really, truly, help you.  Melancholy, yes, but it's mostly the truth.

And, on that note, I leave you, to sit in an unheated theatre as I am the mistress of props and sit on a table waiting until I am again summoned to answer or fix something to the best of my ability.

Happy Weekend!

Why Can't I be a European Citizen?

This was supposed to have posted in June, I have no clue why it didn't, it's nothing that's super relevant in this instant, but interesting nonetheless.

It's really just too bad that you need to be a citizen of Europe of the UK in order to do this festival gig, check it out!

Signs of Immaturity

It's been a month, and I've got a lot to say right now, but not much will to write. So for tonight, I leave you with this.  Next time you hear someone's car alarm going off, either a) ignore it like a grown-up or b) have some compassion.  I'm sure it's really not disrupting the party you're trying to have, or the cigarette you're trying to smoke.

You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat it Too

Foot Implosion Feels Imminent

Long Time No Write

I realize that it's been almost exactly a month since I wrote here, and almost a month since my cat has passed away.  I didn't really realize until last night that there had sort of been an event that assisted in the cause of my July hiatus.  In the days immediately following June 30th, I toyed with ideas of how to write about what had happened, but ultimately couldn't come up with anything I liked and then realized that what had happened wasn't really anything I needed to share with the greater public.  That being said, July has been rather mundane, consisting of work, and only one sunburn.

My only true realization for the month (which is sad I know that there is only one) concerns friendships.  As August is fast approaching, and my senior year of college is imminent, I feel as if I'm sifting through my bucket of sand that includes anyone I once deemed friend, and the sand is soft and fine, from the tropics, and only one or two shells are staying in that sieve, one or two true friends who will be around when we all disperse.  I've had two friends as of late that I can't help but question whether all of the effort, or any of the hurt is worth it.  I've got a best friend that means the world to me, and it's hard to keep friends around who don't remotely live up to her loyalty and truthful companionship.  I know that I can be quite bad when it comes to keeping in contact with others, people part ways and become busy, but it's another thing when I question motives and intentions, when whether your personality is boring or not has nothing to do with it; when values and integrity come into play.  And unfortunately, in my non-empathetic ways, I just don't know if I have the time for it, or if I just need to let things breathe and come back to them in awhile.  I'm about to live with three pretty cool girls, the first time I've known my roommates, and I'm pretty excited for what is to come, and the friendships that I hope to make.  Yet, I still can't decide if burning bridges is the path I'm supposed to take.

I've gotten a lot of reading done, and am loving the romance novels I've read (thank you Dr. Regis) for my Romance Fiction class in the fall.  I'm balancing it all out with some David Sedaris and the top 50 profiles in the last ten years from the latest issue of The New Yorker.  Writing feels good, and by the end of this post, I'm wondering why I stopped for a bit, but I'm a firm believer in writing when lightning strikes, not everyday like a chore (even though I know that if I exercised my writing muscle, my inspirations would come aplenty and be more fruitful), but I'm hoping to get my English major nerd on some more (with a bit of knitting) when I'm bed ridden from surgery next week, so ya'll should hear form me then, if not before!

RIP Rusty

Just Remember...

What you may loathe, someone else may love

It's One of Those Nights

I've never been one to complain about the lack of friends in my life.  I tend to be a pretty tough and independent cookie, and greatly value the few friends that I keep close.  I would and will probably always pick to have five best friends rather than 100 acquaintances.  And, while I also value my alone time, it's one of those nights where I'd like to hang out with someone.  It probably mostly stems from my cancelled trip to Boston, which I'm finding I'm more bummed about than I had imagined I would be, and for different reasons.  I was originally kicking myself for wasting the money, but at this point, I'm not even thinking about that.  I'm more disappointed that didn't get to visit a grad school and just get out of Carroll County, even if just for a quick jaunt.  I'm bummed at the idea that even if I had gone to Boston, it would have been by myself at this point, and even though I know one or two people in the city, I highly doubt that hanging out would have occurred.  So, I've come to the conclusion that it's not even going by myself that would be upsetting, it's knowing that those around probably wouldn't have wanted to see me.  And that just feels pitiful, a feeling I pretend doesn't exist.  I hate pity parties, and this is turning into one; on the brighter side...

A friend has invited me to DC for tomorrow with a friend of hers from her study abroad program, so at least I am doing something with myself, and at least there are those who have chosen to reach out.  I suppose the thing to keep in mind is cliche and thus, when one door closes, another opens.  I thought that my friendship from those in Boston meant more, and it apparently doesn't, so wasting time by dwelling on it isn't worth it.  Instead, it's better to spend time with a person I never imagined I could be friends with again after a roommate fiasco of sorts.  The whole friendship seems to have jumped out of a bush and surprised me, but instead of a rabid animal, is more like a small rabbit or kitten, that of a more than pleasant surprise, and that is what I need to concentrate on celebrating.

Hope you all have a safe and enjoyable weekend!

You Just Like Me 'Cause I'm Good In Bed

There have been multiple reasons that I have not posted as of late.  Mostly because nothing is really going on physically other than working, which has mainly consisted of labeling and transporting files.  However, another reason is my shear frustration with humans at this moment and if I begin to write about the situations in length, I will surely dig myself a hole that I will not be able to hoist myself out of.  But, I will list them for your reading pleasure.

1. I was supposed to stay with a friend in Boston, and now said friend has either bailed or isn't able to, but of course after making sure it was cool bought non-refundable bus tickets.  So now I have a college visit planned and a bus to get there, but nowhere to sleep but the humble streets.
2. Someone with whom I thought I had rekindled a decent if not solid friendship with, has seemed to cease acknowledgment of my existence.
3. Grad school, well it's not a human, but it is obnoxious.  Plus, every time I think I have something figured out, someone comes along and tells me all the reasons that area of study will soon be extinct and although I tend to stick to my guns, I begin to rethink.

I felt like there were more reasons earlier, maybe there are and I forgot, but you will surely hear about them if they pop up once again.

My Advice for the Day

Do the work presented to you and don't complain about a job you begged for, other people were vying for it and will gladly step in.

I wish DMC had hot water

This title really serves little purpose other than acting as a heading, a page break, and is pretty self-explanatory.  Basically, for the past few days that it hasn't been blazing hot, I've had cold shower water, which would be appreciated and helpful if, you know, it was god awful hot out.  But, really, the shower is just lucky that my mood climaxed after dipping so low yesterday.

I go to this doctor, the one that's located in a urologist's office where I typically get hit on, knowing that they will probably be running a little behind time because they usually are.  However, I realize that I have a different time on my ical than what the receptionist confirmed.  So, I do the responsible thing and call the office, except no one has showed up to their job on time and the answering service picks up, which is a human, by the way, and in my opinion should therefore be able to check my appointment time.  But, alas, she could not.  So I wait for 15 minutes and call back.  They still haven't shown up.  15 minutes later, nothing.  Finally, about an hour later I call thinking, "Surely, someone has got to have shown up at this point," STILL THE ANSWERING SERVICE!  So I once again make my inquiry because I need to figure out what time I should start my 45 minute trek there.  Service lady says that they are in a meeting until 10 (it is now about 10:05 that I am calling) and she says she will take my name and number so that they can call me back once they get out.  I thought it was really quite nice of her to keep that meeting information to herself those other times I called.  I figure I will get a phone call in about 15 minutes, or at least while I'm on my way to the office.  45 minutes later, and no phone call.  So, I'm in the office, I sign-in, I sign-in for 11 because that's when I thought it was.  Does the receptionist even recognize what time I wrote down?  Apparently not, because she didn't bother confirming or denying that that was my appointment time.  I decide to wait patiently, a little passive aggressively, but generally patiently nonetheless.  I figure that at 12:45 I should have been notified or at least called back to those giant plush blue couches.  But, you guessed it, I hadn't.  I go up to the window, where no one has been sitting for quite some time, and wait for someone to show up so I can reprimand them.  After I tell her how long I've been waiting she says, "Well, your appointment was at 12."  Thanks for telling me now, bitch!  "Either way, I've still been waiting almost an hour."  I truly appreciate when people are A. inconsiderate while trying to be nice B. don't do their job effectively or efficiently C. don't do their job at all.  If I hadn't paid my co-pay at the beginning I would have left the office.  To top things off, I was stuck behind a tractor going 15 mph on the way home.  I was so livid that I took the rest of the day off work to try and calm down, because otherwise I'm pretty sure that my calls to deposited students would have sounded something like, "My name is Brooke and you better get your fucking transcript in so I don't have to call you again."

But, as a nice juxtaposition, the evening was glorious.  I spent it at the carnival, obviously the best place to hang out.  But, really, it is the biggest attraction to come to Mt. Airy.  All of the high school girls were home, from their respective cities while I've been camping out in Carroll County.  We took a long drive there and frolicked about while buying every conceivable carni food and winning three goldfish (okay, that was all katia) It felt like complete carefree, summer bliss.  Thank goodness it came yesterday, but it would be gladly welcomed any time.  Yet, besides being completely enjoyable, I realized something too.  There are no other four people that I could do what I did last night with.  Five people who are more unique than most anyone I've met since being in college, and if unique is not the word, than perhaps it's curious, or something else, maybe unfathomable.  The second is that I really do love where I grew up, no matter how country it is.  Do I want to live here for the rest of my life, hell no, but it is never a place that I would completely leave behind.  And even though those four girls and I could meet in Manhattan and have a great time for sure, it's Carroll County that works its magic.  The long drives, windows down, cigarette smoke drifting in and out with honeysuckle and the unsavory, but familiar smell of sumac trees; the nostalgic sounds of old Gwen Stefani, Rhianna, and Shakira songs beating at the speakers and rising out of our throats.  Perhaps it sounds idyllic, and perhaps that is cliche, but I don't really give a damn, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I also had a lovely conversation with my dad today, in which we discussed this question: Where does East really meet West?  I invite all opinions and answers.

Coincidence or Something Else?

As I've been muddling along on the internets, trying to find something to entertain me other than the hours of Facebook stalking that I've already accomplished (people are just so interesting), a thought popped into my head.  A thought that was sparked by two separate things within the past two weeks.  The first comes from a close friend who was thumbing through the favorite tabs at the top of my web browser and commented on how I posted once on this blog and then basically left it in the dumpster.  The other comes from some late night browsing on etsy where I read that they were looking for a blog intern, a PAID blog intern, and if I didn't have to move to Brooklyn I would have totally applied, but the other catch was that they wanted to read your blog.  Now, this is not to say that I am writing here as a means to build up my blog, much like credit, in order to achieve something.  It was instead a second friendly reminder that, hey, I haven't really blogged since I was living in Hungary, and it was just so pleasant to do.  But, I mean, it does also help to build my catalog of blogs.  So, I decided to check out this blog that I designed six months ago. Actually, it was exactly six months ago that I last posted, and as someone who thinks that silly things such as that are a sign, I took it as such and determined that I needed to look at it.  I then promptly decided that I really disliked my blog visually, and so, I completely changed it, which I hope helps in that whole creative process thing.

I still don't really know what this blog is about, or if it needs to be about anything.  I suppose, if I'm looking for something specific it could be dubbed something rather abstract, as "an outlet", but that just sounds so moody.  So, I find it better to be honest.  I'm hoping that with far too much free time, even with my full-time summer job, and the events that are bound to ensue from said job, combined with an interesting smattering of people that I come into contact with, I will have something worthwhile to talk about, and if anything, I'm sure at least a few funny stories will come about.

Which leads me to my first topic of pondering.  As of late, middle-aged men keep trying to pick me up.  Both in kosher, and non-kosher settings.  Only one or two have actually seemed like suitors with potential, the others uneducated deadbeats.  Non-kosher setting number one is the urology office.  Let it be known that one of my doctors shares an office space with said urologist.  But really, what makes you think that while I am impatiently waiting for my late doctor that I want to talk to you (and listen to your bad pick-up lines) when I know that you are there to talk about your nether regions?  Non-kosher setting number two involves a gynecologist's office.  I was again, not there for myself, but waiting on someone else and the sales rep is eyeing me up.  Am I supposed to take this all as flattery?  Do I sound like a complete and spoiled brat?  Who knows, I hope not, but quite frankly, I need to start finding a way to extinguish the conversations before they get off the ground.

The second related topic of pondering of this evening is something that my best friend and I keep experiencing.  It is this: passersby talking to us.  And I don't mean a friendly hello or, "You dropped your bag."  I mean (and this are direct quotes), "Your hair's wet!" (yelled by a man out of the window of an old Chrysler van in Philly), "That kind is the best!" (in reference to the trail mix we had just purchased from Target by a Target employee), "You know, I find that they mix everything up, you find the fiction in with the non-fiction..." (said by a creepy middle-aged man in the Westminster Goodwill when I asked why a book titled Worst Laid Plans: When Bad Sex Happens to Good People (it's wonderful) was located in the Men's Health section), and there were probably one or two more.  All of these are doors to conversations.  If anyone has any opinion as to why they think we attract overly friendly, and frequently strange people, be my guest as we are slightly perplexed.  Our only conclusion, "We must look too nice."  Looks like we need to go back to our days of being icy and intimidating.

Woops

So, I feel like a bitty since I decided to start this blog, and then haven't posted on it since.  And, for this, I apologize.  It's been somewhat of a crazy week getting back into this whole American schooling thing of having far too much work.  And, while I was craving work last semester, this week has been a little bit of overload, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things relatively soon.  And by hoping, I really mean forcing, since I don't really have much of a choice.

I think that the other thing that has really been getting to me this week, is that there has been a lot going on inside my head, but for once don't really have the desire to voice it, which is usually not the case.  I typically have barely any problem sharing information whether it be on my blog or with my friends, but I don't really know what to do with the activity that is happening in my head this week.  I've sort of been feeling like my body has been going through the motions of being here on campus, but my brain has been some place completely different.  It's actually been a little like a strange out of body experience.  However, I'm hoping with the steady schedule of rehearsals starting up that some of this will all begin to fall into place.

Here's to hoping that most of you had a better first week than mine, and that your classes continue to go well!

Shalom, Bonjour, Hola, Jambo, Kon'nichiwa, Szia

Welcome Everyone!

I don't have much to talk about in this post, just wanted to give an intro post if you will.  I wanted to start this blog with the start of the new year, but obviously that didn't quite happen.  After the whirlwind of travel I did at the end of  December (check out my travel blog for the deets) I was pretty drained when it came to my writing, so hopefully with the start of the new semester I will have some interesting things to discuss.  Feel free to comment away and interact!